The media often portrays and romanticizes toxic and abusive relationships, blurring the lines between what a healthy relationship should look like and supporting the idealization of mistreatment within partnerships. The use of these types of relationships in the media makes toxic and abusive relationships appear attractive when they are dangerous. Below are some ways the media can glamorize abusive and toxic relationships. ​​​
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The Media and Toxic/Abusive Realtionships
Love as Control
Love is not control. This can look like demands to have access to your online accounts, location, and constant check-ins or interrogations about who you’re with and what you’re doing. It might also involve restricting your interactions with friends or family, deciding how you spend your time, isolating you, or trying to control your choices and decisions, whether overtly or without your knowledge. True love is built on trust, respect, and mutual freedom, not on controlling behaviors or fear.
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Love as "Fixing Them"
Love is not about fixing someone else. If someone is consistently unkind, mean, hurtful, or aggressive, it’s not your job to change them or help them to be better. If someone has gone through trauma and remains unhealed, it’s not your responsibility to fix them. People only change when they choose to do so themselves. With this, love is not about fulfilling the "good girl, bad boy" or "good boy, bad girl" trope, or any similar tropes. True love is about mutual respect, growth, and partnership, not trying to save or change someone who is harmful to you or others.
Intensity as Intimacy
Love is not intensity, chaos, or drama. While a heated moment or argument can happen in any relationship, true love is not defined by constant drama, emotional highs and lows, or unpredictable behavior. Real love is steady, supportive, and calming, bringing a sense of peace and security, rather than confusion and turbulence. It is about mutual respect, understanding, and building a healthy connection, not about constant conflict or emotional rollercoasters.
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Love as Persistence
​Love is not persistence. If someone is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do or keeps contacting you after you’ve blocked them or asked them to stop, that is not love. If someone keeps trying to pursue you after you have declined, that is not love or mutual attraction. True love respects boundaries and understands the importance of consent and personal space. It doesn't ignore your wishes or make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Real love is about mutual respect, not relentless pursuit or coercion.
Love as Pain
Love is not pain. With real love, you should not constantly feel brokenhearted, upset, or like you’re walking on eggshells. Love should make you feel valued, cherished, and secure, not drained, hurt, or anxious. Someone you love should not say or do hurtful and damaging things. While no relationship is without its challenges, genuine love is about mutual care, respect, and support, helping both people feel happier and stronger together, not overwhelmed by pain or emotional turmoil.
Love as Jealousy
Love is not jealousy. It isn’t measured by how aggressive or possessive a partner becomes when you talk to others or have your own friendships and interests. True love is based on trust and confidence, not on suspicion, control, or insecurity. Love should feel safe, open, and supportive, not suffocating or filled with doubt.
An example of how the media can distort perceptions of love is illustrated in the series Gossip Girl. Blair and Chuck’s relationship is marked by manipulation, a lack of trust, and control issues, yet they are positioned as an audience favorite. Early in their romance, much of their interaction centers around playing games and making bets to get what they want from each other. At one point, Chuck even blames Blair for him cheating on her. Despite these clear red flags, the show presents Blair and Chuck as "endgame," implying that their love is unbreakable and that the mind games they play add excitement and passion to their relationship. This ultimately masks the toxic behaviors they display to the viewer. This type of relationship is often praised, creating a misleading narrative that normalizes and even glamorizes unhealthy dynamics as passionate or desirable.
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All in all, it’s important to check in with yourself with understanding and without self-blame. Are you viewing love based on how "heated" your relationship is? Do you find jealousy, frequent arguments, or drama to be attractive qualities? If so, it might be time to reassess how healthy your relationship truly is, what you think a relationship should look like, and how it’s contributing to your life. Remember, no amount of money, status, or excitement is worth compromising your well-being. Love should enrich your life, not harm it.​​
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